All I wanted was a pack of gum...

So last night my work "horror story" started before I even stepped foot into the bar.

A few weeks ago my roomie and I were shopping for groceries at the local mom and pop grocery store. While we were in line the cashier shouts to us "so this is where all the [college bar] bartenders hang out!" I look around. Yupp only the two of us. And then I look at my roomie who is equally confused. We have about twenty bartenders, but I guess amongst a list of 7 others, we work the most. "Guess so" I muster out. On the way to the car I looked at my roomie and said "Who is that guy?" She's like "No clue."

So fast forward to last night when I revisit the local mom and pop to return videos and grab gum on my way to work. I get in line and the same cashier says to me "so you're not working at [college bar] tonight?" Hmm, so now he knows my schedule too. I seriously have NEVER seen this guy in my bar and I am not usually THAT bad with faces. So I tell him that I'm actually on my way to work right after I get done paying.

So as he is asking for my money he says "so are you going to hook us up with some free drinks?" By us he meant him and the bagger. So now I can't even go to the grocery store without being harassed about free drinks? I mean it's one thing to come into the bar and ask for free drinks, but now when I'm out in public I'm being asked too? And let me point out the ironic fact here. I'm paying you for gum while you are asking me for free drinks? I don't see you offering me a free pack of gum, do I? No.

So I say no I can't do that because recently people were fired for doing that, and there are cameras that monitor such behavior, etc. And he has the nerve to say "Ohhhh but come on..." Really? I just told you that I would be FIRED if I gave your cheap ass a free drink and you are still asking me? So I tell him no and that I need to get to work.

And then the bagger chimes in. "So is there REALLY a cover on Thursday nights? Why do you do that?" So clearly he knows the answer to the first question. And folks, it's a dollar. Gather some change together and suck it up. So I look at him and say "I'm not sure why you keep assuming I'm the person who is making these prices and cover charges, but I'm not. As for the cover, it's been that way for about a year now, and I'm not sure why the OWNER decided to do it."

So then I get asked a third time for something free. "So can we say you're name at the door so they'll let us in for free." Yeah, no. This is not some club where everyone stands at the door and the VIPS go through the red velet rope like you see in the movies. And at this point I was certainly NOT giving either one of them my name. So I tell him NO, and if they wanted a free cover pass they can go to Bingo (where it is put on people's cars). And a fourth time. "So you don't have any free passes you can give us?" Now I'm late and pretty annoyed. So I say as much and then start heading out the door.

And then the cashier yells at me and says "Oh we're not trying to be mean, we're just asking." Oh yeah you're just asking FOUR times for free crap at the bar I work at when I'm at your establishment trying to buy a pack of gum. Leave me the heck alone. And this is why I despise small towns.

bizarre complaints

I've had my fair share of "weird" complaints from customers and two in particular stick out in my mind.

The first one is a rather short encounter because I fought the urge to argue with this imbecile for very long. For a time, on Thursday nights we had a blue beer. And, yes, I'm talking bright neon blue. And we called it shocker, even classier, I know. It was only one dollar for a draft, though. I understood why people were a little taken aback by its colorful nature. And I even explained to them that it was just food coloring and it tasted like coors light. (wherein it was actually keystone dyed blue.. but that we were NOT allowed to say).

Eventually, I got a little fed up.. I mean customers were toting around the blue beers and most had been drinking them all night. So when someone decided to complain I just let them know that everyone else had been drinking them and they were just fine.

So here comes the imbecile. I'm busily serving the drunks that are now swarming the bar, as it is late into the night. People are waving dollars bills in my face like they are trying to wave down a taxi cab that is speeding past them. As I'm serving one guest, I feel a grab on my arm.. that was his first mistake. "Don't touch me, I'll be with you in a minute".. I say without even looking in his direction. "But hey.. I have a problem with my drink." (Second mistake because now I label him as a diva customer.) "OK! Well, too bad wait your turn".

I finish up with my guest and head in the arm grabber's direction. "Ok, how can I help you?" "Well I got this.." he says pointing to his blue beer.. "But there's nothing in it." "Um.. sir"... clearly baffled by his comment. "That's beer." "Yeah, but no.. there's nothing in it". To which I tell him "look it's BEER. I can't even hate you enough to not pour alcohol into that because it's pre-made. All I do is pour it." "Yeah well it tastes like there is nothing in it." "Well that's impossible because it's BEER." "Well, I don't like it." "Well, that sucks." And I walk away to another guest. I can feel his stare on me the entire time I make my way around the bar. Finally I get back to his group and ask if they need anything. He then drops his blue "not" beer into the trash and says "bud lite". Fine. I hope he tastes the beer in this one.

Next I have a similar story. I can not fathom how a person has the nerve to walk up to the bartender and say there is not any alcohol in a drink. One, it makes you look like an alcoholic because I (and you) know that there is alcohol in there. Two, you are accusing me of stealing from you and that pisses me off. If you think that I poured you a Pepsi and then charged you for the liquor that's not in it, then that means you think I stole from you. Third if you think that you're going to get a third shot in your drink for no price at all, you're out of your mind. I put the same amount of liquor in everyone's drink. Our boss doesn't even trust us, so he took away our free pourers and I use pourers that measure the shots. So there is no way for me to not put enough alcohol in your drink.

So I'm serving the cocktail waitresses one night and she brings up this customer with her. The fact that she brought him up to me and not to the manager is her fault because I'm not on damage control, I'm just the bartender. He apparently wanted to watch me pour his drink because he didn't think there was enough in it. Rightly, I was angry at him for accusing me of not doing my job well.. and for coming up and "watching" me. So I scoop his ice in his cup and I tell him "are you ready?.. So here I pour the whiskey... see that TWO SHOTS. Ok now here comes the gun. See now this is the Pepsi button. And now I'm pushing that and .. WOW! There's you're drink". As you can tell, I was a bit over the top in my performance.

Now since I showed him this like I would show a kindergartner how I tied their shoe.. I figured he got it, silly me. Now he decides to throw out the most ludicrous complaint I have ever heard and probably will ever hear. He tells me "this still doesn't taste like there is any alcohol in it." Ok. "Well, clearly your taste buds suck. But you saw me pour it in there so you can't argue with that." "Well, yea I saw you pour that bottle into the cup.. but that doesn't mean there is alcohol in there." "So you think that I filled up that bottle of alcohol with something that looks alot like whiskey because I knew you were going to come up here and complain that you couldn't taste it and I wanted to get back at you." He looks at me and firmly says "yupp". So now aside from bartender, I'm also a thief, a psychic, and a magacian.

If you have a better more deranged complaint than that I'd love to hear it. As for now my paranoid, alcholic jerkward takes first place in that department.

After that I told him to not come up to the bar anymore. And he did. Of course. The weird thing about him was that throughout our whole conversation he had this pleased look on his face. Like the more insane he sounded, the madder I got, and the happier that made him. And then he kept coming up to the bar and yelling my name and then waving and smiling when he caught my eye. Clearly, mocking me. (And don't get me started on how he learned my name.. isn't it like a cemented rule that when a customer.. especially one who is going to complain .. asks for the name of a co-worker .. you as the worker would either tell the customer you don't know or some fake name??? I always did that for my fellow co-workers). Anyway, I was just shocked by his happiness in someone else's misery. I couldn't fathom how he got pleasure out of insulting, undermining, and ridiculing me. And then I realized he was a sociopath.

pet peeves

I wanted to share some of pet peeves with you. (just a thought here.. but I wonder where the term "pet peeves" came from.. hmm.. maybe a google search later, anywayyy...)

We'll have specials on cans. For instance, they will be 2.25. And someone will come up and ask for a bottle. I so graciously tell them that cans are on special and they could save 50 cents. Most people take the can instead. There are the few people that scoff at the cans and say "No, I asked for a bottle."

Well, ok smartass I know what you asked for, I'm just trying to save you some money. The thing is this person who doesn't care about this 50 cent difference.. like it's chump change (but it can add up) will never tip, never. But those that get the can will almost always at least leave the seventy-five cents. It's not that big of a deal since I'm just opening a bottle for them.. but it just annoys me that they are willing to buy on average five bottles.. spending an extra 2.50 but can't leave the quarter they get back as a tip.

This even happens when we have mixed drink specials.. where someone can save a few dollars every time. They apparently have enough money to get a better type of liquor (most of our specials are on the cheaper liquors).. but don't have enough money to tip.

One of my other pet peeves involves tips too.. I see a pattern here. The thing about it is.. sometimes I understand that people can't tip. If I'm only giving one beer every like half hour.. and you wait patiently.. and you thank me.. and you don't leave me a tip.. I can understand. What bothers me is when a customer goes out of there way to discuss with me why they can't tip me.. because then it gets awkward.

I had a guy say "I'm waiting for my scholarship money to come in and then I promise I'll tip you." What am I supposed to say to that? First, you're pointing out that you come in here every night and don't tip me. You're telling me that you think it's ok that you don't pay for my services even though I always know what you want and pretty much have it ready the second you walk up to the bar. It's insulting to point that out to me.

Second, I am now supposed to say the obligatory "that's ok". The thing is.. if it became an understanding between me and customers that it's ok that they don't tip me then I wouldn't make any money at all. And if I tell you it's ok.. then why shouldn't it be ok for everyone?

Here's the thing.. if you can afford to spend a few more bucks on a drink and scoff at the specials, then you can certainly afford to tip me. And if you're not going to tip me please don't point it out because then it puts me in an awkward position.


***On a side note I wanted to thank the people who are reading my blog, commenting on my blog, putting my blog on their blog roll, and following my blog. It's extremely flattering and humbling that have people enjoy (or have any reaction really) to my stories.. and I appreciate it!

but that means I get a free shot, right? WRONG.

Some of this story was relayed to me by another employee:

On homecoming the main bar was a mess. It was the only bar that would take credit cards and our ATM machine decided to run out of money.. which is never good for anyone involved. You can imagine that since all the college drunks had been guzzling all day long.. that they had run out of money by now and were resorting to using their mom and dad's credit cards. Needless to say, the main bar was crowded and people were drunk and demanding.

One of my fellow bartender was trying to do her job as quickly as possible. She was having a little trouble doing that because one of her guests thought it would be a good idea to lean on her register to get her attention. She couldn't see what she was putting in to the register or the totals and he was really ticking her off. She told him to back up and he moved over. She took his order and served him the round of shots he ordered.

Then guess where he ended up? Back to leaning on her register. This time she was really ticked off because he was leaning so hard that he pushed the register. It almost fell off the bar, so she quickly pushes it back to it's place. Well this moron had put the shots on the small space that was left on the bar behind the register. The shots not only spilled, they spilled all over his clothes. He assumed this entitled to him... you guessed it... free shots. She didn't want to hear it.

She went about serving other people and another bartender walked down and asked them what they needed to drink because they were now leaning forward and shouting down the bar. She opened up a can of worms. He yelled the whole story to her and said "That girl is a bitch. You must not like her very much either becuase she's a bitch." Not a good way to get yourself a free shot buddy. All the bartenders here are friends. So you just called her friend a bitch. So the bartender said "Actually she's my FRIEND and you need to take this up with her because I'm not getting involved." And walked away.

For the rest of the night they leaned on her register and covered the totals every time she used the register. Then they began rubbing their hands together near her face so that she could see they were "sticky". Maybe they wouldn't be covered in shots if they didn't shove the register off the bar and almost knock it over.

Now skip to Monday night when I hear a man overtalking. He said "this weekend some bitch bartender spilled shots all over me and then wouldn't give me new ones". I just laughed because one... he was STILL bitching about this.. and two... he obviously was too drunk or stupid to remember the WHOLE story.. just the side that makes it look like we don't know how to do our jobs. Looks like he'll be waiting extra long the next time he wants to be served.

a change of pace

Today I came into work thinking that I was working 4 to 8 and then last on main bar later tonight. Then someone called in sick and I got stuck at the bar all day.

Since I was now scheduled four to close I asked for a quick break to get some food. Well, the manager was whoknowswhere and kept telling me to go ahead and eat. Well, that didn't work out too well when people kept coming up to the bar. So I ate in between trying to serve people and it was such a mess.

Finally, he told me to head back to the private party. For some reason the people in the party thought it started at 6 so they had been back there for an hour. So I went back there ready to begin. Well, there was no cash in my register so I had to come back up and ask the manager for a register. He was "busy" talking to an employee and said he would get to it.

Meanwhile I have to help out at the main bar because there are people waiting and no bartender. I help for about ten minutes and then I tell the manager that I really need to get back there. Then he decides to yell at me and tell me he'll get to it when he can and that even though our clock reads 7:05 (because we run our clock ten minutes fast to make sure people are out by one) that the party really hasn't started. I was extremely angry for getting yelled at. Seriously, stop talking and do your job.

At 7:15 I ended up in the private bar where we hold parties. It was a nice change of pace because it was an older crowd. But along with that, meant a lot less drinks to make and a lot less tips.

At the peak there were about forty people partying it up at their reunion. It was a unique reunion, though, because it was for a grade school that is now shut down. It was open for about thirty years and everyone who attended the grade school was invited. So there was every age from forty to geezer. There was one point when I was serving someone that I was wondering if he would take one sip and then keel over. I can't believe a seventy year old can still handle a jack and coke.

Some of the guests wanted to order some food so I went ahead and took their order even though I wasn't supposed to be waitressing for them. There is a table who wants to order so I take it. The man tells me he wants two sandwiches. Then the second lady tells me she needs a separate ticket and wants another sandwich and then finally a third lady wants an appetizer.

So I put it back and have my security guy go give them their tickets and collect the money because I was busy making drinks. He comes back and tells me that the man said he ordered for the second lady and that she wasn't supposed to have a ticket at all. Funny, because she specifically told me she wanted a separate ticket. So now it's my fault that they decided to NOT communicate and order one sandwich twice. Seriously if you're going to order for someone it would be a good idea to tell them so that the other person doesn't order for herself. They will only pay for one of the sandwiches and now I have an extra sandwich on my hands.. plus an over ring on my register.

The best thing is that even though I go through all that trouble for them.. they don't tip a cent. Next time I am working a party I will tell them that I am not paid to be their waitress because I certainly don't work for free.

At one point, someone decided to take charge of our cd player since the music from the main bar does not go into the private bar. She decided to become a music diva. She was at the cd player about every five minutes either changing the cd, switching a song or changing the volume. It was very annoying.

At about 11 everyone started packing up and heading out and I was scheduled to go on the main bar. Well, a group of about ten people decided to play who can stay up the longest and sat in the private bar until close. Between 11 and 1 am I made them only two rounds. So that equates to a lot of sitting around and very little tips. I have never been so bored.

So instead of moving inside the main bar and making seventy bucks I got to sit in the private bar and make about 7 in those two hours. It sucked.

a bar full of campers

Tonight I was on duty at our back bar. Last year this bar used to be the spot to go when the main bar was busy. When people walked in they could see that there wasn't much of a line back there. Unfortunately, a storage unit was built on that side of the door.. so now anybody walking in can see us.

Well if that isn't enough, tonight when I came in there was a table like two feet from the front of my bar. If anything kills business at the bar it is a row full of people sitting on their stools blocking the bar.

Then a group of people walk up and put a "beer keg" on the bar and block the only six inches I have left. The beer keg is a huge plastic container that we fill up with draft beer. It's essentially our best deal. So now I have people, coats, and a beer keg sitting on my bar, and nobody ordering from me.

I ask the group that if people come up to the bar could they move their beer keg so that I am able to get serve people. Their response? Well, we're alumnae. AND? Last week was homecoming week, this week is not. So I repeat myself and they just gripe at me and say it's not busy yet. And I tell them that's because nobody can get to the bar with their beer keg their.

So then I start telling my bar back about the group of campers. They finally move but not without threatning me by letting know that they would be giving me most of my service, so I should not have made them leave. Really? You just put a beer keg on my bar that you DIDN'T buy from me.. and are blocking me from selling anything to anyone else. I really doubted they would be buying anything from me since they had about an hour and a half to go through about 20 beers.

One of them actually did come up to order TWICE. The first time he ordered a drink, and after receiving his change threw their quarter at me. Classy. The second time the same guy came up and asked me for two shots of jack. As I'm pouring them he says "It would be really great if you could make one of those crown". Ok moron, well the next time you're ordering ask for a shot of jack and a shot of crown instead of making me waste a shot of jack.

After he takes his shot he hauls it to the bathroom. Apparently he was puking because one of security guys came up to him when he returned and told him he needed to leave. He argued with him for a few minutes and then walked out the door. We have a strict you puke, you leave policy.

Well a few minutes later my bar back asks the security guy "Isn't that the same guy you just kicked out"? Sure was. He changed shirts. So the security guy tells him that he really needs to get out and stay out. And he says that he wants to talk to the manager. The manager tells him to just get out. Haha, karma.

How hard is it to JUST do your job?

Alright, you’ll have to stick with my through a brief explanation. On Thursday-Saturday our bar uses a cocktail bartender. This bartender JUST helps cocktail waitresses. You can imagine that when he helps other customers he is taking away from our register totals. Totals=percentage tipped out.

Now, it was extremely slow tonight. There were only three bartenders on, usually there are four. So, on my side I had the cocktail bartender. He was helping people (other than the cocktails) before I got put on. That in and of itself, ticked me off. He was helping people and therefore I (the second bartender) didn’t get put on until 11:30 because it wasn’t “busy enough”. Yeah, of course not when you have a bartender who isn’t supposed to bartend helping everyone.

Ok. So I get put on. I have nobody to serve. I see the cocktail bartender serving someone. I tell him that I can take that order. He says ok. Next customer, he tries to help as well. I tell him to stop serving people because I have nobody to serve. His response? Well, I am not pocketing the tips. Well, congratulations. Because NOBODY pockets tips. I explained to him that the more he helped the less I was able to put on my register. And our register totals determine our tip outs. So he puts the money in my register. And I think he has it figured out.

I was wrong. Every time there was more than one person waiting he would help them. Hi, I am a bartender and I know how to serve more than one person at a time. I was getting so annoyed at him. He started putting the money from customers in my register. First of all, this is unfair to the other bartenders who are trying to make money on their register. Second, let them wait one freaking second so I can serve them. He was taking people as soon as they walked up. I would literally be giving someone change and turn around to take an order and he would be like put five dollars on your register. No. Just let me serve my customers.

So if that wasn’t enough. He was telling me how much he was getting. For example. when I was walking around looking for customers and someone walks up to the bar.. he races me to the customer and because he is like a whole foot taller than me ..he gets to them first. He tells me to put rumplemintz in my register and then says “Well they’ve been tipping me like five bucks all night”. I take the bottle from him and tell him I can handle it. Ugh.

So we go to count tips and guess how many fives I found? ZERO. Seriously, you are either lying and trying to get me to tip you out ..which I am NOT going to do because I could have served everyone two seconds after he did if he would have just given me a second. Or you were pocketing the five bucks. Either way, you’re an ass.

I understand he was trying to help. But all he was doing.. Was giving me NOTHING to do.. And making it unfair for all of the bartenders working. I mean, really, how hard is it to JUST do your job? It's a fairly easy description. Cocktail bartender=serve the cocktails and NOBODY else.

Country night has turned hillbilly

Country night has quickly turned from a large gathering of college student who enjoy the music and the line dancing to hillbilly heaven. Each week it gets slower and slower and I have a theory that these hillbillies are scaring the normal crowd away. I'm not making fun of the country music lovers, I'm a fan myself. But lately country night has drawn in the missing teeth, hat wearing, straight off the farm cowboys.

My first customers were a pair of hillbilly who are in the construction business. One ordered a busch light, that was his first problem. His second problem was that he wasn't tipping me a penny. He kept putting his quarter back into his levi jeans. His other problem was that he kept calling me "baby doll".

Another group of country acting people walk in-- and surprise surprise they appear to be friends with my hicks. Except this guy orders a round of patron shots. I let him know the price first, and he said that was fine. So, when I gave him his total and he acted surprised.. I realized he probably couldn't add either. This guy surprised me though and put down a five dollar tip. My bar back was busy and I didn't want to grab it right off the bar so I let it sit there for a bit.

The country group moved to the other side of the bar and my pair of hicks were about to leave. I overhear the busch hillbilly say "Look, dere's a five dollar bill. I'mmma take it." So I dash over there and grab my five dollars. Busch man places his hand on top of mine and says "Oh that's my change." I look him square in the eyes and say "No. I saw him leave my tip. That's from your friend. And I saw you put your change in your pocket." What I wanted to say was "You're too cheap to tip AND you're going to try to pocket the tips I've earned.. get your hillbilly asses out of here and don't come back". But I bit my tongue. His friend chimes in and says "Don't try to take her money .. you know it's not yours." We argued for a few more minutes while I was holding the five dollar bill and I just walked away and put it in my tip jar. They just turned and walked their cheap asses out the door.

The cheapness spread like a disease. I had one group of people ask me what the "freebies" were. I still don't get why they would even bother asking me that. Seriously, I don't know you.. so why would I risk my job so that I can give your cheap ass a free shot? Are you planning on paying my rent and bills for the next few months while I look for a new job? Didn't think so. Another group of guys ordered a round and then winked at me and said "So we get those for free, right?" I'm not sure what bar they walk into where all they have to do is wink their average looking eyes at the bartender and get a free round. But, not mine.

My face pretty much tells how I am feeling at every given moment. I can't hide my emotions well. So I'm sure everyone could tell that I was annoyed at this point. In fact, I know they could. I had one group of girls come up to the bar and ask for two drinks only I couldn't hear them because the loud mouth girls next to them were screaming, like shrieking teenage girls, directly into my ear. I shot them a look and I heard them say "She doesn't like you at all" and her response? "Oh, I don't care." Well, sweetie you better care because next Wednesday when you come into the bar and I serve you LAST you'll know why.

Alas, country night is over.

the summer of crazies

During the summer we have some pretty creepy people that come out from the rocks they hide under while the college students are flooding the streets. One customer in particular, is quite interesting.

The first time I saw him was with a Catholic church group who rented out our side room bar for "sermons and suds" Tuesday nights. I thought that in itself was weird. You are drinking AND throwing around religious terms. I feel like most church groups meet in churches and not bars.. but I'm digressing.

I have never seen this particular guy take a sip of alcohol, although if I did not know this I would think that he was wasted every time he was there. He liked to stand on the empty dance floor with his soda in hand. What did he do out there you ask? No, he did not dance by himself.. but he did like to stare at the multicolored moving lights. He could stand in one spot for hours staring at the lights.

This, however, is not why I think he's interesting. That is just one thing among others. Let me describe him. He was a rather tall man, and very lanky. He had a long pointy nose and very thinning hair. He also smelled like garbage.. which was probably because he liked to go around town digging through dumpsters. When he ate his food people would call him the "rat man" because he ate like a little rat. I think you get the picture .. he was just a character.. and lots of patrons paid attention to him.

What concerned the workers there, including me was the encrypted messages he would leave on his credit card slips. How someone who digs through dumpsters has the credentials to get a credit card is beyond me. But when he would get his receipt he would lean down real close to it as to make sure nobody could see him and begin to scrawl. The problem was we could never understand the messages. It was always just a bunch of words that never made a complete thought. And we usually hung them up on our pin board.

One day he wrote a legible (sort of) message. I picked up his check from him and it said "Cocktails need to get tail. Cocktails get big tail". Now whether or not he was implying what it sounds like he is implying.. I was completely freaked out by it. Clearly he is not in the right mindset and you have no idea what some people are capable of. I have never seen him in the bar again, as right after that the manager banned him. I have seen him digging through some of the dumpsters around town.

Other crazies we've seen throughout the summer months:

Boa lady. She had a bright pink boa and looked like she was about sixty years old, yet she came out to the bar every single night. Everyone would taunt her, yet she still tried to dance with the few twenty somethings that were left in town. She was the joke of the bar. Again, I never saw her take a sip of alcohol, but I would swear up and down that she was wasted.

She was like the stereotypical alcoholic grandmother.. only in public.. and with a hot pink boa.

One day outside in the parking lot she was talking to some of my guy friends and me. She told them that she had recently been released from the mental hospital. And if that wasn't even to scar us for life. She told us that she would give us a ride to the free clinic tomorrow, if we'd like, because she was going there to get tested for aids. Well, a few weeks later she disappeared again, and I'm sure that she was put back into the mental hospital she should have never been released from.

There is also the schizo who I have mentioned in previous posts. You will find him sitting at the end of the bar with nobody around him (because he smell so bad) on any given summer night. It's always awkward to walk past him when you are behind the bar.. because you aren't sure if he is having a conversation with himself or asking you for something. You want to think that he has a blue tooth in because he literally has conversations with himself at normal volume. Sometimes he starts yelling at himself. Now, unlike the other guys, he drinks. But he nurses the few beers he gets so he doesn't get the "alcoholic" free pass.

One day I was working.. and I'm the type of person to feel bad for these kinda guys.. until they cross the line and then I'm done being nice. Well, he was asking me how my day was and the normal conversation type of topics. He seemed, in this moment, pretty normal. I had maybe a two minute conversation with him and then about five minutes later I clocked out and left. Well, apparently he asked the next bartender to come over. "Hey, Hey. Come here really quick". The bartender said he came over and asked if he needed a refill and he said "No. No. You know that girl who was here.. she likes me. She told me she wants to date me. I'm going to ask her on a date because she told me she likes me." Sayyy what?? No No NO.

Then a few nights later I was waitressing.. he saw me waiting for drinks so he got off his bar stool and came over to my area. He tried to get close enough to whisper but I backed away and I heard him say "You are the most beautiful girl in this whole bar". Now, that's nice of him and all but I don't want some psycho who talks to himself.. argues with himself... to think I'm pretty because I have no idea what that will mean in his mind. Since then, it has become a given that the manager or another bartender who is on will help him when he is there. I don't say a word to him anymore. Not because I'm trying to be a bitch.. but I don't want him to take it the wrong way.. who knows what the voices are telling him.

The last crazy I have to tell you about actually happened before I was there. Apparently there was a regular who was the same kind of crazy as the three people I have mentioned in this post. He started sending letters to the bar saying that our owner is an evil alien and is trying to take over the town. He also thought that the workers were out to get him and that they were trying to kill him. Then he wrote a 30 page letter to one of the bartenders. Much of it did not make sense. But there were threats in there.. and conspiracies.. and theories. My owner brought it to the police and we have yet to hear from him again.. I'm guessing he's plotting his revenge in the corner of a padded room.


***On a side note I got my following thing all figured out! Thank goodness!

Can anybody help me?

I hate to post this here.. as it takes away from my normal blog entries. But I am having a big problem with my blog. As of a week ago it stopped updating who is following me. I'm not sure if the people who have requested to follow me are seeing my stories on their dashboard or not. All I know is that it is no longer letting me know who is following me.. and it's really annoying me. Has anyone else had this problem and/or know how to fix this problem?

Sorry about the non-work related post.. but I have been cooking up some good stories about some crazy customers and I will update later today.

Homecoming roundup

Oh... homecoming. A girl last night asked me if I liked working at the bar and I told her the truth. "Today is the worst day to ask me that question. Any other day.. and I would say yes.. not so much right now".

Here's a little background about homecoming weekend in our town. It is a homecoming for college students. They start drinking early Friday night... get little to no sleep and wake up for beer breakfast. Followed by a parade where people continue to drink. And then comes the free tailgating where the drinking goes on.. and the game.. and the bars. Well, yesterday it was raining so instead of having a pretty steady crowd of drunkards all day long... it was a freaking circus. All day long it was shoulder to shoulder busy. People skipped the parade and tailgating and game because of the weather and took shelter in our bar.

My day started off at ten am. Believe it or not.. people were guzzling beers and mixed drinks already. One girl approaches my bar to inform me that the bathroom was out of toilet paper. Well, I said, I would have someone put some in there. "NO! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. THERE IS NO TOILET PAPER ANYWHERE IN THE BATHROOM". I think she expected me to be astonished and to run to the bathroom with my arms full of toilet paper .. leaving the bar I was the only person working at abandoned... so the drunk people can wipe. Well, I didn't. And she got all pissy with me and said I better go do it now.. to which I repeated to her that I would send someone. If she seriously thinks that after the four hours of sleep I got so that I could come in to work and serve annoyingly sloppy drunk people I would care about the toilet paper, she was sadly mistaken.

I also had a slew of people asking me where to get food. The funny thing about that is.. in order for them to walk to my bar to ask me.. they had to walk right past the bar that was serving food. I'm not sure if they missed the waitress who was standing on a chair taking orders or the HUGE sign that said ORDER FOOD HERE... but I tried to make each of them feel as stupid as they sounded. "Well walk through those doors and you will look to your left where you will see a giant sign that says ORDER FOOD HERE, and that's where you order your food".

I had a pretty slow morning/afternoon. I left for two hours and then braved the bitter cold outside bar. At this point everyone was wasted. And every employee had been working for over six hours. Annoying customers + over worked employees= employees not giving a shit when you whine about everything. I don't care that the bathrooms are a mess and there is no toilet paper. I don't care that our ATM machine ran out of money and the line at the inside bar (the only one that will take cards) is too long. I don't care that you spilled your drink and you think this entitles you to a free new one. I don't care if you ask me for a "stiff" drink.. you get what you pay for.

But what I really don't care for.. is the amount of people who think they can ask for free shots. Seriously? For one, the bar doesn't make any money when we give crap away for free. For two, you won't tip me if I give you a free shot. So it's really not worth my energy.

One of my managers .. who must have been pissed of prior to his visit outside came to my rescue from one group of customers. They were complaining because the stupid ATM machine wasn't working and they ran out of cash. So they insisted that they deserved a free shot. Well, I wasn't in any mood to deal with them so I just told them to stop asking and walked away. Well my manager overheard the conversation and walked over to them to have a word. I'm not sure what was said but they called me over to apologize for "harassing" me. HAHA. He must have really gave him a piece of his mind. I didn't know what to say in this situation because if I said that "it's ok" then I would be undermining my manager in a way.. and if I yelled at them then I wouldn't get a tip. So I just did what I always do when I don't know what to say and I didn't say anything at all. I just looked at him. He repeated his "I'm sorry for harassing you" speech and I again just stared at him.

So after the stare down he breaks the silence and asks for four shots. So of course since they told me they only had a credit card.. I asked if they had cash. They said yes.. hmmm.. surprise surprise .. cheap jerks. And I told them the total.. and poured the shots. Then they said.. and I'm not kidding with this "can I use my credit card?". Dense and his friends denser finally gathered up a wad of money and I took 16. To which he said "I thought you said 14?" And I looked at him and said "AND?" "Well 16.. ok .. um ok". And then they left my bar.

I had another group of dimwits who ordered a round of tequila. Well, actually he ordered "eight shots". And when I asked him of what he said and I quote "the cheapest shot you have". So in my mind cheap = no tip.. therefore I am going to give you the easiest thing to pour... tequila. As I'm pouring it into the cup of ice -to chill the tequila- sorry to those of you who are smarter than a rock and didn't need that explanation.. but apparently they couldn't figure it out. "What is she doing?" I hear the one guy yell. His response is "I don't know I asked for shots .. not a drink." So then.. ignoring them in my usual fashion..

I start to pour the tequila into the shot cups.. then I hear the buddy again question me "what kind of cheap shit is that". To which I slapped the cup down on the bar.. stopped pouring.. looked up at him and said "you're friend here asked for the CHEAPEST shot in the bar.. so I am pouring him the CHEAPEST tequila we have. If you'd like to pay for this round I can certainly bring out the patron". So then he asked me as I am pouring the tequila which is in a cup filled with ice into the shot cups.. if I at least chilled it for them. Ok moron what does it look like I'm doing?!?! At that point I told him to stop judging my bartending skills, that I know what I am doing, and that I'm tired of hearing his annoying voice. He then offered me a shot and five bucks as a tip if I took it. Now if only all it took to gain a customer's respect and tip was me yelling at them to shut up.. then I would be rich.

I think that at the end of the weekend, I was lucky not to be stuck inside. At least outside and in the side bar room.. when people came to me they were grateful that it wasn't crowded and I could serve them quickly. I also didn't have to deal with the stench of vomit and sweat that the inside bar wreaked of. Yes, I made less money. But I didn't have to work as hard.. or deal with as much crap (literally and metaphorically) as everyone else. I still made a good chunk of change and I picked up a shift to work tonight during the football games.

All in all, I survived homecoming weekend.. with a little more money in my pocket and not a scratch on me.

over it.

I'm not even going to leave a comprehensive post tonight.. I am so angry after working 13 hours.. dealing with drunk assholes.. with the worst shifts ever (after being there for 3 years.. I could have made in 3 hours what I made in 13.. and most people did) that if i posted something.. I would regret it eventually. I have never in my life been so angry/frustrated/dissappointed. Most people were able to pay rent in what they made tonight.. and I have hardly anything to show for it. I am thinking about throwing in the towel.. seriously.

homecoming weekend has arrived.

So tonight began homecoming weekend. The economy has defnintely done a number on us. I made about a 100 less tonight than I did last year (and I worked equally as hard).. which doesn't make me too excited for tomorrow.

I had one super great customer who ordered 7 patron shots.. which was about 50 bucks and gave me a 1.25. Aside from him... my night went pretty well.

I have to be up in about .. oh.. 4 hours to work 13 hours tomorrow.. so I better be off to bed. I promise I will update with some good stories on Sunday.

Reminder to self: story about how drunk the DJ got and messed up about a million times.

I don't make the prices, I just pour the drinks

I need to start wearing a big sign on my shirt that reads "I don't make the prices, I just pour the drinks". If it were up to me I would give everyone free drinks and just collect their tips. (If it were up to me I would also never pay taxes, never have to work again, and shop all day long, but I digress) Clearly, the owner is greedy and wants to make a profit off the business he owns (gee, who wouldathunk). I had yet another customer complain about prices tonight. His friends and he approached the bar. One of his friends I know as a regular, who always order patron shots. He knows how much they cost.

Well, patron regular's friend was paying for the shots tonight and of course they asked for patron. As I'm pouring the shots he starts whining about how they aren't in "real" shot glasses. OK. For the entire three years of my employment we have used plastic after nine o'clock. Frankly, I am constantly serving someone. When I get done with one whiny customer, I am off to the next. So if we were to use glassware we would have to not only have someone on staff to solely constantly clean dishes, we would need like a 1,000 shot glasses. Secondly, we use plastic because the whiny customers like to throw things.. and the last thing we need is to have glass breaking all over the bar. And lastly, our glass shot cups pour the exact same amount as our plastic.. I've tested it.

So, I just ignored his comment because I didn't care enough to explain this to him. Then, before I finish pouring, he's like "ughh how much is this going to be". I tell him 19.00 for the three shots. First he gets pissed at his friend and gives him a piece of his mind. Then he hands me his credit card and says "just run it and get away from me". Really? So not only am I acting as your personal ATM, I am now your servant. What a whiny jerk.

I would like to propose an experiment. For one night I am going to keep track of how many people tell me thank you, or ask please. I'm going to bet it will be under 10.

Can I tip you in candy?

So tonight we had dollar domestic bottles on special. I swear every person who came in was like "ohhhh dollar bottles.. that's awesome!" and then proceeded to put their change in their pockets. Besides the cheap customers, I had three extra annoying customers.

One girl asked for a mixed drink and a bottle. I made the drinks and her change was like 14 something. She then asked me as she was putting her money in her pocket if she could tip me in candy. I plainly said "no". To which she said "really? well, I will anyway". It took everything in me not to throw her "mints" back in her face. Tip me in candy? Would you like your paycheck to be paid out in Hershey's? I think not.

Then I had some girl come and order a bud light. One dollar. And, of course, did not tip. Then she came back up to the bar to complain about her beer. She said it tasted funny. Weird. Since none of my other customers had yet to complain. So I called the manager over and told him in front of her "this girl here wants to complain about her one dollar beer not tasting right, what would you like me to do". He just laughed.

Then she says that her friend's beer tasted funny too. He then walks up to the bar with a beer that is 75% gone. I told her that her friend could not get another beer because he almost finished it so it couldn't have been that bad. Then I told her that the bottles were put in the tub in cases and that there was no way I could wade through them to tell which one she might think tasted good and which she might think tasted bad. I offered her a miller lite. She declined. Must not have tasted all that bad.

The last annoying customer was some guy who did not seem to understand why we couldn't serve 151 as a straight shot. Here's our convo:
"Can I have 151 and Tabasco."
"Sorry that's against our rules"
"Awww they said that last year. Nobody would notice if you did you know."
"Yeah well the cameras would.

He still didn't seem to get it because he started bitching to his friend. I tried to explain to him that I didn't make the rules, I just poured the drinks.

"Would you like anything to drink?"
"Yeah, a shot of 151 and Tabasco on the side."
DUH. "I'm not against giving you Tabasco in your shots. It's obviously the 151 I can't serve by itself. I could mix it with coke if you'd like"
"Ok Ok.. Can I just get 151 on the rocks?"
"NO!"

Seriously is he that dense? What did he settle for? A dollar miller lite. No tip.

FU SM!

I need a moment to vent. Homecoming is supposed to be our BIG weekend... BIG as in lots of money. But the Scheduling Manager (SM) was having a FU moment and decided that even though I'm the second bartender on the list of about twenty five (which means I've been there a really long time).. I have to work the shitty shifts. Not only will I be there all day long from 9 am to 3 am.. I will be making absolutely no money.

In his infinite wisdom.. he scheduled the extra bar room to be open during the day.. even though he said it was really slow last year and wasn't going to open it.... And guess who he scheduled? me. And to top it off he put a beer tub person back there.. which will equate to even less money. Now at night I get to work outside.. where it is like almost snowing and I probably won't be able to feel my fingers at the end of the night. Not to mention that hardly anybody sits outside anymore since it's SO FREAKING COLD. And to top it off I'm going to miss all the crazy fights that happen.. which is like the best part of homecoming.

Before our new SM took over.. the bartenders got the good shifts. Now since he doesnt pay managers enough he decided to throw them all the best bartending shifts as a prize. So not only on every other weekend do I get screwed over with crappy shifts... he gave me the two worst possible shifts to work on homecoming.

If I sucked as a bartender this wouldn't bother me.. because I would deserve it. But he actually went out of his way to take me aside and tell me how great I was doing. He actually used the word "wow" and said he would be giving me much better shifts. Recently a bunch of people quit so I went from a novice bartender to the top of the list. But I also put in like a year and a half as a waitress/cocktail before I was moved up. And does he show me his graditude for working my my ass off? No. Not at all. In fact, it looks like I'm being punished. So FU SM. FU.

There, now I feel much better. Hopefully I will still have some good stories.

"I'll tip you next time, I promise"

We've all had those customers who say "Oh I'll tip you big the next time I get a round." You simply smile and silently curse them because you know that they will likely not be back.

Turns out, once in a while they aren't lying! The first few fridays of the new school year for the students I was scheduled four o'clock club, which isn't a very good shift. For the most part, during the day, customers will sit down and let the cocktails serve them. So mostly I am busy serving the cocktails. Every once in a while a customer comes up to the bar though.

One came in this day with a group of friends and was seriously dropping some money on shots. He opened a tab with me and ordered multiple rounds of shots for his friends. Well, he kept telling me he was going to tip me really well. He actually wouldn't let my fellow bartender serve him, which really pissed her off. So, I kept a close eye on him, and served him quite a bit for a couple hours. And then the eight oclock bartender came in, and I left.

Well, when I came back later for my night shift I checked to see what kind of tip this kid left. Take a guess. He didn't leave one. At all. I was annoyed, but not surprised. Most people that brag about their tips leave little to none. I later found out that he got into a fight in the beer garden and got kicked out.

Well, a week later I am working four oclock club again, and guess who comes in? Yupp. And when he comes up to the bar the first thing he does is hand me twenty dollars. I ask him what he would like and he tells me that the money is for me because he forgot to tip me and he was such a pain. I was very surprised. I thanked him and asked him if he was going to be drinking today. He ordered a round and left me another five dollars.

It's nice when a customer actually realizes they forgot to tip and come back to give it to you! Especially since I didn't have to claim it or split it with anyone, I just put it in my pocket.

excuse me!!! i have a stupid question!!!!!!!

So tonight a customer called me a "stupid bitch" because I didn't respond to him after he was yelling at me for a whole two seconds. First of all, I was helping someone else so he was being rude. Second of all, don't yell at me. Third of all, his question was moronic.

Here's how it goes:
"Excuseeeee meeeee!!!! Excuseeeee meeeeeee!!! Can I still use this dollar if it's ripped?!?!" Seriously? Next time you're trying to get my attention come up with a better question. And he didn't even let me respond, as I was about to. Instead when I turned in his direction he said "whatever you stupid bitch". Wow. He must have been really worked up about his ripped dollar.

Whatever, I was busy making 70 dollars for working one hour and he was busy pissing away his money all night, jokes on him.

apparently, I suck at my job.

I know that I said I had the night off, but in my normal fashion.. I searched around for anyone who didn't want to work their shift. If I ask for a shift, especially on a weekend, it's about ninety percent likely that I will pick it up. I guess other people have lives.

Anyway, I have a plethora of crap to whine about after last nights debacle. I was first on and it was incredibly slow due to it being fall break (which actually means the students get one whole day off). So at 1030 I was still on by myself and had only sold about 100 worth of liquor/beer. So the manager started cutting people and we ended up with a group of people who don't normally work the front bar. So to say that it was chaotic behind the bar would be an understatement, and to say this put me in a bad mood would be a major understatement.

Well, at 11 a bomb went off somewhere in town and everyone came to take cover in College Bar.
Most of the night went smoothly. The first jerk I encountered came with a group of jerks. I ask the group if they need anything to drink and they list of a whole slew of drinks and shots and hand me two separate credit cards. Fine. Credit cards aren't my favorite because we have one machine and it's on the other side of the bar. But it wasn't that big of a deal.

So then I come back and another person in this group decides he wants a shot and wants me to run his card for four dollars. Now I'm starting to get annoyed. I ask "now does anyone else need anything because this is my last trip to the credit card machine". NO RESPONSE. So I come back and guess freaking what. Oh yeah another one of their friends wants to run their card for shots. Now if it was slow I wouldn't care, but this was right after everyone came rushing in to the bar demanding "drinks! now!"... so I had a lot of people waiting for me to serve them.

I told him I would not run his card right now, but there was an ATM machine directly behind him maybe two steps away. Well, this put him over the edge. He decided I was the worst bartender in the world, and started randomly yelling "YOUUUU SUCKKKKK" at me. Now here I am trying to remember drink orders, tally prices in my head, and make drinks all at the same time. Being yelled at simultaneously really pissed me off. Needless to say after he stopped randomly chanting that I suck he decided to sing about how much I sucked very, very loudly...

Even though there was about two minutes left on the clock I decided I wasn't/didn't need to put up with him. I told my bar back to kick him out while he was continuing to mock me.. so I felt a little bit better about the situation when he got escorted out the door. Why a person feels like they can come to someone's place of employment and degrade them is beyond me.

Lately, we've had problem with tabs. In reality, anyone can come up to the bar, say a last name, and put it on someone else's tab. It makes customers angry when they have extra charges on their tabs that they did not put there.. and rightly so. Well, tonight I had a girl ask for three vodka seven's and handed me her credit card. She said put one of these drinks on this card and two of them on "smith's tab".

Clearly, she was not "Smith" as she had just handed me her credit card. I told her that I could not let her put her drinks on someone else's tab and she got cranky. Then I reminded her that if it her tab someone was trying to put drinks on she would thank me. After that she actually said she understood and told me to put them all on her tab. I didn't understand the attitude at all. Why would you think you could just walk up to the bar and put your drinks that you just ordered on someone else's tab? Hmmm...

Next, my favorite (not!) Wednesday patron came back. He was with a group of girls who he was clearly trying to impress. The lights were on, people were walking out the door, and the time read 1:08 (we close at 1:00). Ok so he walks up to the bar and says "heyyyy remember me?". And between gritting teeth I said "Yes you were the guy who was so rude to me I asked you to leave". And get this he admits to it! He says "well, yeah. but I left you a good tip, remember". HAHAHAHA. Actually sir do you remember demanding that I give you your dollar fifty back because you did not want to tip and told me as much? And this is what I reminded him.

Baffled, he said "ok fine. but why can't you serve me?" Seriously? Maybe I should be easier on him because he is apparently blind and deaf. Can he not see the security team kicking people out? Or the DJ telling people they need to leave. Or here's a clue: the lights turned on eight minutes ago. I explained to him the obvious and he still didn't get it. So I told him to just leave.

Finally, after dealing with two jerks and one annoying customer, we were cleaning the bar. And one of the front bar virgins decides to take down the bar without putting the top on the ice bins. Gross amounts of liquid just poured into the ice bin. I ran over and tried to fix it with napkins and she kept pulling the bar mats down.

I told her to stop because crap was getting into the bin.. a big no-no where we work (obvious sanitary reasons). She preceded to tell me that she didn't "give a crap right now". Why? Because you made a whole whopping 200 dollars on your register? Gee you worked really hard... (that was nine percent of the total sales at the front bar, I got almost six times that on my register). And she will care when she makes a drink for herself and there's crap in it!

All in all, I had a frustrating night.. but at the same time I wasn't even supposed to work, so I have an extra hundred bucks I wouldn't have had otherwise, which makes it worth it to me.

Not so bad of a night.. it happens once in a while

Tonight was surprisingly great. Nothing really to complain about here. Our manager went home and asked one of the bartenders to manage so I got bumped up to third on and made 80 bucks in tips in an hour and a half. Aside from the man who kept referring to me as "doll" it went pretty smoothly.

There is this one really creepy guy that comes in to the bar that was hanging out. He tends to talk to himself, which is fine whatever floats your boat. But, when he starts arguing with himself it gets a little awkward. I always think he is yelling at me. I refuse to serve him though because one night I was friendly and talking to him as there was nobody at the bar.. and he told one of my coworkers that I told him I have a crush on him. So now I just steer clear.

So I have tomorrow night off.. which is the first in months, and I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. I feel like my weekends are more like the average jane's work week and monday and tuesday are my weekends. I wonder if any other bartenders feel that way?

Leave some comments if you'd like! I'd really like to get feedback.

Well today sucked.

Here's a gem of a story for anyone who cares. I had this drunk guy come in to the bar and he orders a round of premuim shots... and as I am pouring them I have to switch and open a new bottle. Well apparently in some podunk areas the bottom of the bottle is supposed to be a free shot. He called it a spider shot and demanded it should be free. Well, not here, I told him. And he continues to argue with me until he finally pays. And then he keeps demanding it. Finally he asks for a shot of southern comfort and so i let him know that he will have to pay for it .. thinking he still wanted his free shot. And he informs me that I am the bartender and he is my customer and I should just serve him, like I'm some kind of idiot. Really? Ok, so I tell him he better be nice or that's his last shot.

The next time he orders he makes sure to tell me he wants his change like he is punishing me for not giving him his free shot.. nevermind that I have been giving the cheap jerk his change the whole time. He was really worried about that 1.50. I slapped his change down and said you need to start being nice to me or get out. My bar back came over to watch him at this point because he was making a scene. Luckily, he left after that. I was going on my 7th hour at the bar.. I really didn't have the patience for him and his remarks because frankly I was being really nice to him and he acted like I was his red headed step child. He can consider himself judged.

To top matters off, our manager put on the second bartender when it was really slow thinking it would get busy and it never did, which wouldn't matter but we split our tips from nine to close on register percentages. So for instance, even though she goes on at 11 she has a chance to make money on her register and if she lucks out with big orders can end up with a good percentage on the tip out. I like our system on a busy night because whoever works harder gets more tip out. But on a slow night it is really just luck as to who gets the bigger orders and can make money on their register. HOpe that makes sense. So we just stood around and did a whole lot of nothing. I let her serve her side of the bar and she let me serve mine.. and we divided up the worst tip out on a wednesday night yet, thank goodness I made 75 percent of the sales so I got to take home most of it. Since I worked all day I left with pretty good money .. but not great. Anyway, that's my rant for tonight. Hope everyone else had better luck.

Background about my bar

I want to take this opportunity to begin a blog that will hopefully bring a smile and a familiar nod to those of us who partake in the serving world.

The particular bar that I work at (which will remain anonymous but for the purpose of having to refer to it, it will be called College Bar) is a, well, a college bar. The one bad thing about this is that the majority of our tips depend on the college student crowd. This means during christmas and thanksgiving when the bars are usually busy, we are completely slow. And our busy times are days most other bars aren't. For example coming up next weekend is homecoming week, which always promises good stories because our bar is open and busy from 8am to 1am.

Another thing about our bar is that it is quantity over quality. On any given weekend we have a five bars open and 9 bartenders working. We are constantly serving customers and constantly being yelled at by customers. "Um excuse me excuse me. I need... Where are you going.. I need..". Occassionally I'll stop to inform these customers that the twenty other people waiting who aren't berating me by waving bills in my face will be the ones I spend my time serving, sometimes I shoot them an evil glare. As a result of this quantity first service our tips are not pooled, but instead determined on how much money we make on our registers.. it makes for very competitive bartenders.

Well, look at that I just got called into work for some newbie who didn't show up. I will now be working a double. woohooo. HAHA I am laughing about how completely ironic this is. My posts will be stories about work from now on .. I just wanted to give a little bit of a background.