Homecoming roundup

Oh... homecoming. A girl last night asked me if I liked working at the bar and I told her the truth. "Today is the worst day to ask me that question. Any other day.. and I would say yes.. not so much right now".

Here's a little background about homecoming weekend in our town. It is a homecoming for college students. They start drinking early Friday night... get little to no sleep and wake up for beer breakfast. Followed by a parade where people continue to drink. And then comes the free tailgating where the drinking goes on.. and the game.. and the bars. Well, yesterday it was raining so instead of having a pretty steady crowd of drunkards all day long... it was a freaking circus. All day long it was shoulder to shoulder busy. People skipped the parade and tailgating and game because of the weather and took shelter in our bar.

My day started off at ten am. Believe it or not.. people were guzzling beers and mixed drinks already. One girl approaches my bar to inform me that the bathroom was out of toilet paper. Well, I said, I would have someone put some in there. "NO! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. THERE IS NO TOILET PAPER ANYWHERE IN THE BATHROOM". I think she expected me to be astonished and to run to the bathroom with my arms full of toilet paper .. leaving the bar I was the only person working at abandoned... so the drunk people can wipe. Well, I didn't. And she got all pissy with me and said I better go do it now.. to which I repeated to her that I would send someone. If she seriously thinks that after the four hours of sleep I got so that I could come in to work and serve annoyingly sloppy drunk people I would care about the toilet paper, she was sadly mistaken.

I also had a slew of people asking me where to get food. The funny thing about that is.. in order for them to walk to my bar to ask me.. they had to walk right past the bar that was serving food. I'm not sure if they missed the waitress who was standing on a chair taking orders or the HUGE sign that said ORDER FOOD HERE... but I tried to make each of them feel as stupid as they sounded. "Well walk through those doors and you will look to your left where you will see a giant sign that says ORDER FOOD HERE, and that's where you order your food".

I had a pretty slow morning/afternoon. I left for two hours and then braved the bitter cold outside bar. At this point everyone was wasted. And every employee had been working for over six hours. Annoying customers + over worked employees= employees not giving a shit when you whine about everything. I don't care that the bathrooms are a mess and there is no toilet paper. I don't care that our ATM machine ran out of money and the line at the inside bar (the only one that will take cards) is too long. I don't care that you spilled your drink and you think this entitles you to a free new one. I don't care if you ask me for a "stiff" drink.. you get what you pay for.

But what I really don't care for.. is the amount of people who think they can ask for free shots. Seriously? For one, the bar doesn't make any money when we give crap away for free. For two, you won't tip me if I give you a free shot. So it's really not worth my energy.

One of my managers .. who must have been pissed of prior to his visit outside came to my rescue from one group of customers. They were complaining because the stupid ATM machine wasn't working and they ran out of cash. So they insisted that they deserved a free shot. Well, I wasn't in any mood to deal with them so I just told them to stop asking and walked away. Well my manager overheard the conversation and walked over to them to have a word. I'm not sure what was said but they called me over to apologize for "harassing" me. HAHA. He must have really gave him a piece of his mind. I didn't know what to say in this situation because if I said that "it's ok" then I would be undermining my manager in a way.. and if I yelled at them then I wouldn't get a tip. So I just did what I always do when I don't know what to say and I didn't say anything at all. I just looked at him. He repeated his "I'm sorry for harassing you" speech and I again just stared at him.

So after the stare down he breaks the silence and asks for four shots. So of course since they told me they only had a credit card.. I asked if they had cash. They said yes.. hmmm.. surprise surprise .. cheap jerks. And I told them the total.. and poured the shots. Then they said.. and I'm not kidding with this "can I use my credit card?". Dense and his friends denser finally gathered up a wad of money and I took 16. To which he said "I thought you said 14?" And I looked at him and said "AND?" "Well 16.. ok .. um ok". And then they left my bar.

I had another group of dimwits who ordered a round of tequila. Well, actually he ordered "eight shots". And when I asked him of what he said and I quote "the cheapest shot you have". So in my mind cheap = no tip.. therefore I am going to give you the easiest thing to pour... tequila. As I'm pouring it into the cup of ice -to chill the tequila- sorry to those of you who are smarter than a rock and didn't need that explanation.. but apparently they couldn't figure it out. "What is she doing?" I hear the one guy yell. His response is "I don't know I asked for shots .. not a drink." So then.. ignoring them in my usual fashion..

I start to pour the tequila into the shot cups.. then I hear the buddy again question me "what kind of cheap shit is that". To which I slapped the cup down on the bar.. stopped pouring.. looked up at him and said "you're friend here asked for the CHEAPEST shot in the bar.. so I am pouring him the CHEAPEST tequila we have. If you'd like to pay for this round I can certainly bring out the patron". So then he asked me as I am pouring the tequila which is in a cup filled with ice into the shot cups.. if I at least chilled it for them. Ok moron what does it look like I'm doing?!?! At that point I told him to stop judging my bartending skills, that I know what I am doing, and that I'm tired of hearing his annoying voice. He then offered me a shot and five bucks as a tip if I took it. Now if only all it took to gain a customer's respect and tip was me yelling at them to shut up.. then I would be rich.

I think that at the end of the weekend, I was lucky not to be stuck inside. At least outside and in the side bar room.. when people came to me they were grateful that it wasn't crowded and I could serve them quickly. I also didn't have to deal with the stench of vomit and sweat that the inside bar wreaked of. Yes, I made less money. But I didn't have to work as hard.. or deal with as much crap (literally and metaphorically) as everyone else. I still made a good chunk of change and I picked up a shift to work tonight during the football games.

All in all, I survived homecoming weekend.. with a little more money in my pocket and not a scratch on me.